Happy Schwa Blog

His name is Wayne Wilkins. We call him Schwa, Schweenis, Schwaneye, Schweenagog, Waugg, Wilkie Welts, Haldemann, Cosmo, and more. 

Schweeble Keitel

He is the oldest living Lemming, and yet he never seems to age. No matter what number we're careening towards, he always gets there first, protecting us from impact like a human shield with great hair. He is a husband, brother, son, colleague, baritone/ bass, best friend you could ever have, seriously... and today is his birthday.

In honor of his Schwa-ness, we offer 3 tributes. The first is an acrostic using one of our favorite Schwa-names, and which was written by all of the Lemmings in one big high buns of creativity. 

S is for Sucking plaster, which he does in his sleep.
C is for Circle of Wahhhhhhhkrrrrghhhhhhh, an exercise in sonic distortion. (*Click to hear)
H is for Hot, of which he is Too Darn.
W is for Witch Hazel, whom he channels when cackling.
E is for Ephlats, which we don't hold against him.
E is for Esophageal sphincter that traps his flatus.
N is for Notman, whom he lucked into.
I is for Indigo Girls, which we're pretty sure we'd find in his record collection.
S is for Shutup, which he should do now.

Next, a favorite Lemmings moment starring Wayne: the 1993 debut of "Messed Around". This song is chock-full of lyrics and the audience was chock-full of Wayne-iacs (a new word I just made up), so the Schwee was maybe a bit nervous. The opening is classic.

Finally, a dubious tradition. On his birthday every year, we like to re-circulate this audio tribute to Wayne's morph-able name. it's one take, improvised, with love, but it captures a certain Joie de Schwa. Click here for a SYMPHONY OF WAYNE.

So, Happy Birthday, Schwa! If any of your nicknames were longer, we could have included Coiffure du Schwaneye, RSAs, Oakley, Mocha & Cheeser, the sweet lips that harbour, and much much more. But there, now they're in.

Have a great day, my brother. We love you, you Tote.